Some days ago I watched a video that made me think about some doubts that I have had for the last months. The video was made by a YouTuber that I follow: SWOOP (a.k.a. Spankie Valentine).

Recuerda que todos mis artículos también los tengo en español: ¿Qué quieres?

The doubts that I have carried for the past weeks were no others than what about continuing pursuing my goals or not. It is not that I am not motivated, but I feel overwhelmed about failing over and over again. As an example, you have the posts that I have made about failing the last NaNoWriMo or failing December goals just because life.

Apart from that, I am still dealing with some health issues that I have. They make any effort extra difficult, and those failures that I have been “suffering” feel heavier than ever if they occur due to those health issues. I mean, I completely know they are not my fault and that I am doing my best to overcome them (or, at least, learn how to live with them). But they are there, every single day, making everything harder and diminishing my strength when not being able to do what I want.

And this makes me come back to the title of this post and, of course, to that video that SWOOP put on my YouTube feed.

Spankie Valentine is a YouTuber (apart from a huge list of awesome adjectives, all of them coming from Art itself) who has had horrible problems with her past channel due to YouTube’s awful algorithm. She found herself in the awkward position of creating a new channel, since her over-half-million-subscribers channel was doomed and didn’t reach any of its subscribers. Starting from this harsh point, she never gave up, created a new channel and continued creating videos. Videos like this one:

Although I really like her videos, this one touched me in a different way. Maybe because I was “vulnerable”. Maybe because it was the answer I needed. Anyway, her message is simple: if you don’t want to fail, do nothing. That’s the ultimate way to avoid failure. However, if you keep trying, you are not giving up, even if you fail, because that is part of the process.

And she ended the video with a question. A single, easy yet difficult question that not a lot of people ask to themselves: What do you want?

What do you want to do with your life? What do you want to do with the time you have? What do you want to do with the experience and knowledge you already have? What. Do. You. Want.

What do you want

After watching this video a couple more times, I asked that to myself. Surprisingly, this made me change my perspective: I do have an answer. A simple and quick one. And having one, I also have a path to follow, a purpose in life and something that will fulfill myself forever.

Since that realisation, I have shifted my eyes away from those doubts and I have, again, started working on what I really like. Of course, I will fail again, but I will continue doing something, doing MY thing, because that’s what I want to.

And you? What do you want?

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