I am really close to achieve one of my forever dreamed goals. I am just pages, words, days away from getting it, and I constantly think… Writing:
Is it worth it?
Spanish version: Escribir, ¿merece la pena?
Some days ago, I was talking to a friend of mine about what creating and writing suppose, the long hours trying to get a good idea, the hundreds of useless drafts that you are going to do during your whole life, the long nights wavering about your own capability.
So, I continue asking myself…
Is it worth it?
The self doubt. The mental pain. The tears. The weakness. Being exposed. Feeling incapable of continuing. Being angry with yourself when you can’t do it. Assuming it only happens to you, because you are worthless. Feeling dumb and stupid. Always comparing yourself with others, and others that are way better than you. Spending every minute of your life asking yourself if you deserve doing it. Spending even more minutes doubting yourself than actually doing something.
Writing: Is it worth it?
Yes, it is. And I would not change it for anything.
The rush of adrenaline that I have when I notice that I have reached a certain part of my novel (hence I have reached a goal), or even better, when I have overcome a scene that was specially difficult for me to write. The happiness when I can finally connect the dots from inside my plot. The satisfaction that I reach when I can talk to my loved ones about my own novel. The glow in their faces when they see that I am finally doing it. The strength that I gain, day after day, when I don’t give up on writing and following my dreams. The endurance to fight against myself and, in the end, being friends with myself again.
I can’t just change it for anything else. It is not someting I can’t just say “it is not worth it”. Or that I can’t just give my life up because it is difficult, or because I don’t want to work hard. I can’t just stop writing.
For me, writing is completely worth it, even with all the negative points it could have.
For me, writing is being happy, and happiness can be hard to find.