I finally reached it. I finally wrote 100,000 words on my first novel. No, it is not finished yet, so I assure you the final length is going to be over that number, but here I am, alive and kicking after writing that many words. 100k is my biggest number yet.
Spanish version: 100k – Mi mayor número hasta el momento
Let me explain to you why this is so much important for me: I have fought and struggled for the past months (and, when I say months, I mean years) to put into a blank paper, into words, the world that my mind has imagined ever since. I have contained a whole universe, with its own rules and ideas, stories, even History, population, mysteries and so on in my own mind, and I have struggled, like never before, to explain what is that in a way that it can be minimally understandable. I have dreamt countless nights how to do it, and I have feared each and every one of the previous moments to the writing process.
Of course, as I have already said, the novel is still not finished, so this process is still going to be painful yet wonderful for some weeks, in terms of the draft, and many more months, in terms of editing and final retouches.
So, why is, in fact, this 100k goal that much important? Because I would never, ever imagine I was capable of doing such a thing.
Some months ago, during my writing challenge in November (accordingly to NaNoWriMo), I wrote the by no means despicable quantity of 50,000 words in just one month. I struggled with the following months, mainly because of personal and familiar stuff (Christmas and helping with two amazing weddings, one of my brother and the other one of my sister-in-law), but I managed to write around 30,000 words more. It wasn’t the same feeling, of course, because it was done in the spare time of months, but you get the idea.
Little by little, I have been able to add more and more words, and finally I reached this great number and it all hit me at once: I made it. I was able to do it and I made it. Since I was a child, my dream was to become a writer, a real writer. I have learnt to write better, to put my ideas into the proper words, to arrange a certain time and mental space to do it. Nevertheless, I never found myself writing more than 40-50 pages (if so), around 20,000 to 25,000 words top. I wasn’t able to articulate my thoughts, the stories inside my head, to be written completely or written properly, because all of them deserved way more pages/words to be told.
I assume that it wasn’t the right time for me, that I wasn’t sufficiently prepared to do such a humongous task, so I had to learn lots of theory in order to just try the practice. And, then, I did it: I allowed myself to stop listening the fear and start writing, whatever the result it may be.
100,000 words later, here I am, better, stronger, older but wiser. I know it has been a long road and I have ever more to walk ahead, but I am confident of what I have achieved, because not everybody can say they have written 100,000 words of their own novel, nor I couldn’t say it myself just 9 months ago. To learn that I can overcome whatever limit I put to myself, even those that I am not even able to imagine. I have learnt that, if I work hard enough, it is possible. I have learnt to deal with myself and come to terms with my persona to just do it. Because I have learnt that the number doesn’t matter and that 100,000 words is just the beginning.
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